... A chef tells you to eat something.

It's midnight. The lights are off. You're alone. You've curled up in front of the TV for your favorite late night naughty indulgence. That's right... it's time for Food Network: After Dark. You settle in for a steamy food-filled evening just as Tyler's Ultimate comes on, and Mr. Tyler Florence smiles through the screen DIRECTLY AT YOU.

 At this point, Tyler shows you the best way to make home made guacamole and caramelized onion potato tarts, but the sound of his instructions is drowned out by the beating of your fluttering heart. Then, he says something like "Stout Float with Orange Blossom Honey and Gingersnap Tuile" and your ears perk up as your heart melts. He smiles, and washes his hands. Your love for him grows with every cup of sugar he adds to his amaretto chocolate brownies.

Of course, as hard as you may try, you will never be able to perfect beef wellington in same way that Tyler can. Your souffle will never rise as high, and your potatoes will never roast as beautifully. Luckily, the results of any attempts you make to recreate the food made by the chefs of The Cooking Channel and Food Network are completely calorie free. If a chef tells you to eat something by showing you how to make it on their cooking show, consider it culinary research that you are required to perform. Research results in learning, which means that any meal from recipes on Food Network shows is thereby classified as "brain food." And brain food, as we all know, is one hundred percent calorie free.

Consider the calories you burn lusting after Tyler an extra bonus.